Funeral for a Friend

Friday. First time ever that I've gone to a funeral for a friend. Steven Davis. He was a really nice guy and he was always very sweet to me. I really liked him as a person. He worked in the Chemistry department with Dean and he was one of the guys we used to hang out with when I worked there also. He was 54. After the funeral, we went to eat with a couple of friends and we all took a walk down memory lane. "Hey, remember when we would all hang out in the break room before it was time to go through security to get into the nuclear plant?" "Yeah, that break room isn't even there any more!" "Remember how Steven would never let anyone put themselves down"? "Yeah, that's just the way he was". We were feeling a little nostalgic but it felt good to reminisce on the "good 'ol days" and it made us feel better. I can't stop thinking about how Judy, his wife, is going to handle things now on her own. All by herself. And I selfishly was thinking that I'm glad that it isn't me and that I still have Dean. I never want to be where Judy is now.

I never really think of death until something happens to make me think of it. Steven's funeral made me think about it. It's not something nice to think about. I certainly don't dwell on it but this weekend, I thought about it a lot. Steven was too young to die. How could this happen? I'm only 48. Could it happen to me? I look in the mirror on a daily basis when I do my hair and makeup but I never really think about how much older I look now. This weekend I took a really good look at myself. My eyelids are drooping, I have crows feet at the corners of my eyes and my skin is no longer elastic (and we won't even mention the other things that are drooping)! I just have to face it - I AM getting older!

Two other things happened recently that made me think of my own mortality. The first being when Mike got so sick. He too is much too young to die but he really scared us. It made me think of what it would have been like if he was no longer here. I mean, I've known Mike a lot longer that Steven - since high school for goodness sake! Morbid to think about, I know. But as Steven proved, it could happen. The second thing was that my graduation class just had their 30-year reunion. It was fun reading everyone's bio and even funnier how many people wrote down that the thing they remember the most was going to Parason's for pizza after the football games because that is what I remember the most too! How could it be 30 years already? That just doesn't seem possible. But it is. That is my reality. We will be empty nesters in the near future and many of our friends are already empty nesters! Where have the years gone?

After Steven died, I emphatically told Dean "you better not do that to me!" Thinking about death is depressing and we can't live our life thinking about it every day. But it does make you think about how you are living your life. Am I being the best person I can be? The best Christian? The best wife, mother, friend? I want to be all those things. So I guess that is what has come out of this sad weekend. No matter how old you are, you can be a bright light and you can make an impact in somebody else's life. So be the very best person you can be while you are still here on this earth because you won't know when it's your time to go home.

Goodbye Steven. You will be missed.
..........................................................